I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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