I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
