i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
