Me too!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
