i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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