yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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