This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
