4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i want to swaddle you in tequila
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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