I was born with a shot glass in my hand
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
