i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
