Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize