I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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