MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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