just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize