My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
there is glitter all over my balls
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
