So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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