my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
