its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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