woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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