She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
