I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
