Only a mothe r could love this liver
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
