i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize