There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
