When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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