It's like God shit irony all over that family
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
bring money and cleavage
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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