The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
