lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
