I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
