If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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