btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
