I checked into jail on foursquare
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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