I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
