He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
