Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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