I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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