my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize