what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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