If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
