I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
