I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
