I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
