i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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