Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
