I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
