if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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