fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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