remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
worst night to have a conscience
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
