I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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