I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Watching her eat just hurts me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
