Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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