..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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