How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
