I can text with my tongue
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
