what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
