he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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