I feel like I'm in dance class right now
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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