i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
