Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My breasts were aching with rage.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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