Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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