okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
