so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
