I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
