So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if only i could text you this smell
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
