I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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