Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
my liver is dry heaving
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
