I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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