shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
