i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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