This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
