Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize