I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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