I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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