He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
