sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry about my life...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
