I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
