so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
