yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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