her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
