He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
