I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
tell your sister to shave her snatch
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
