You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
