i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
